kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
