Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
