my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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