we have pet lesbian snakes
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
