as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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