sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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