Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
