make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Randomize
