I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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