fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
