P.S. I can't hear my feet
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
