ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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