I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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