So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
