I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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