I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
