youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
