You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
