You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
