dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
