I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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