PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
