I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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