y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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