i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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