I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
