do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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