There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just had sex on a roof
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
