im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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