my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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