So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
