Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
