I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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