i barfeds in our rink
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
