I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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