do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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