Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
