Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
