I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
