Define "chronic" masturbator.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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