i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
