My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
