Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
if only i could text you this smell
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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