dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
