Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
