TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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