Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
