Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
