Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
