I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
