We won't sleep together?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
