This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
