This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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