Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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