if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
