I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
