Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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