I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
