There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize