So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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