I am puke
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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