She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
