I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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