I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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