I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My vagina is very pro this idea
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
