i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
