my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
