Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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