Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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